A Different Breed
by Canker Blossom
Summary: Joker, Two Face, and Poison Ivy are on a prison plane with other various supervillains. But not all is as it seems on this particular excursion to the Slab. PreHush
1. Bored to Death

The Joker was bored. Bored to death. Bored to the death of everyone else on this plane. Ordinarily, he could entertain himself for long periods of time within the walls of Arkham Asylum, either making fake escape plans and framing the Ventriloquist by leaving them out in the open in his cell or just watching reruns of _Three's Company _(He especially loved the episode where there was a misunderstanding!). But today, above this beautiful stretch of Canadian wilderness below, Joker thought something was missing. Sure, he could always get out of his chains, but did he really want to cause such mayhem when they had just left the airport five minutes prior? Nah. He'd save his crude airline food jokes and harassment of the flight attendants for later. He wanted to at least be awake (a.k.a. Not sedated) long enough to catch the in flight movie. Although, if they were showing _Legally Blonde_, all bets were off.

"Maybe that's what's missing. Entertainment!" Joker mused.

He looked around the plane at the other passengers. A few of them he recognized. Old high school chums like Two-Face and Poison Ivy. But others he couldn't place a name. The Asian woman must have been Cheshire, or Lady Shiva, or some other attractive female Asian martial artist.

"Ha! They all look alike!" The unknown Asian woman looked up and scowled at Joker.

Joker quickly noticed another faintly familiar face. "HEY!" he shouted across the plane, "HEY! KING KONG!"

Gorilla Grodd, a frequent nemesis of the Flash, grunted, suppressing any urge to break out of his seat and wring the little lunatic's neck.

"Yoo-hoo! Over here! Hey! Mr. Kong!" Joker persisted.

By now, everyone on the plane was ignoring Joker and his remarks. Just then, a security guard approached Joker's seat. Joker looked absolutely delighted.

"Stewardess, I would like a bag of peanuts please!" Joker said to the hulking guard, who did not at all appear amused at this last statement.

"Hey, clown, I'm no stewardess…"

"OH! Deary me, I AM so thoughtless." Joker interrupted, "Flight attendant is what they call you people nowadays! All this politically correct donkey dookey, no offense to Donkey Kong in the back there! Okay, flight attendant, may I have a bag of peanuts?"

"Clown, this ain't no pleasure flight!"

"But… aren't we going to sunny hawaii to give gifts to the natives, such as shoes, Christianity, and antibiotics?" Joker said, feigning confusion.

"Yeah. You'll be tannin' on the snow covered banks of Antarctica in no time! That is, if they give you any beach time in the Slab!" The guard said smirking. "Now, shut up clown, or I swear I'll sedate you for the rest of the flight!"

"Oooh, nope nope nope. Don't like needles." Joker playfully shot back, laying his chained hands in his lap.

"Who said anything about needles?" The guard said, darkly looking back at the Joker as he walked off.

"You flirt!" Joker said laughing as he waved the guard goodbye.

Joker giggled. That was the most fun he had had so far on this flight. But it still wasn't enough. Not a titter came from any of the other passengers. Dead silence. He needed people to play along. None seemed like they were up to it, though. Thoughts of Harley Quinn crept into his mind's eye. Harley Quinn, laughing with that bubbly laugh of hers. Harley Quinn, singing the song _Moon River_ with that Brooklyn girl accent. Harley Quinn on fire, cart wheeling off a balcony just to cheer Joker up. He had just seen her this morning in Arkham and semi-missed her already. Everyone else was intolerant of Joker and his brilliant mannerisms, but Harley took all the punches. The preemptive straight man. Too bad she wasn't on this flight, too.

Joker guessed that the Slab only accepted extra "special" people. This meant he ones with the body counts in the 1000s. Over achievers in supervillain high school. Though, out of this crowd, Joker thought, he'd be valedictorian. Joker's roller coaster track of thought was interrupted, though, by the "fasten your seatbelt" sign flashing overhead.

"Now they're just mocking us." Joker said flatly, looking over is shoulder and catching site of Poison Ivy five rows behind him. Ivy looked bored, her green face resting on an equally green hand. Two-Face didn't look much livelier either, just sitting there two rows behind Ivy. A scowl was imprinted on his face, just as Joker's rictus was to his. He thought maybe it was time to get in touch with his old "classmates".

"Ivy! Over here! Look! I'M here too! What are the odds!" He shouted over his shoulder.

Ivy just looked away and acted like she was concentrating on something out her window. Joker thought he might have better luck with Two-Face.

"Twofers! Ivy thinks she's too cool for us! Acts like our friend all through high school then ditches us on the first day of college!"

"MUST YOU DOOM THE DAMNED, JOKER?" Ivy shouted at him. "It's not bad enough we're being shipped off to the Slab, but you have to torture us on the way there too?"

"NOW she talks to us, Harv! Finally came to her senses and realized who her true friends are! Now maybe we can plan that threesome…"

"Shut up, clown, or I'll make sure you leave this plane with one extra hole in your head." Two-Face said.

"Is that Two-Face or Harvey Dent talking?" Joker asked.

"Unanimous." Two-Face replied, Ivy smirking at this retort.


	2. Taunting Leaves

Poison Ivy, who had already woken up in a bad mood, was contemplating on whether or not to poison some poor anonymous sap so that she would be sedated, anything to escape that shrieking sound Joker called a voice. But it wouldn't work on her anyway, that whole immunity to everything thing actually being a curse to her at the moment. It saved her from a plague, but it was useless against Joker's obnoxious tendencies. Of course, she wouldn't be surprised if these particular guards utilized a more inhumane way of sedating the inmates. Her choices were a blow to the head or six hours endurance of bad airplane food jokes or God knows what. Cancer or tuberculosis. She decided on the latter.

Harley Quinn, Joker's girlfriend (a.k.a. punching bag) had tried to smuggle a nail file to Ivy this morning at Arkham Asylum. Ivy smiled faintly at the memory. "Harley, I'm going on a plane. A file won't help me where I'm going, anyway." She had said to an uncharacteristically gloomy Harley. "Well, you can also use it for your nails, I s'pose." Harley replied sadly, trying to call on her seemingly perpetual smile to appear on her face right then, but it never came. "Oh, Harley." Ivy took Harley and hugged her tight, "You'll be fine." Harley had sobbed loudly into her shoulder, trying to talk between sobs. "Not only… am… I… losing my guy, but… I'm… losing you too!" Ivy wanted to be equally sad, to show this much emotion of how much she would miss Harley, her only friend. She would miss her, terribly. But she could never make herself cry. Could never shed a tear. Even if the oldest redwood burnt down in front of her, it just wasn't in her. She was better at getting angry than sad.

Ivy's attention was brought back to the present with Joker trying to get her attention.

"Ivy! Over here! Look! I'M here too! What are the odds!"

Ivy just looked out the window, trying to focus on something else outside. What she saw was the landscape below, all the reds and the yellows of a Canadian autumn below, taunting her. It was like seeing your children on your way to death row. Seeing them one last time before being put to death. Ivy knew that green would be a seldom color in Antarctica, not that it was rampant in Gotham either. But, had that really ever mattered? Sure, she could always have escaped Arkham and relocated to a dense jungle in the Amazon, but she had a mission, kind of like Batman in a few ways, to cleanse that scab of a city. In her new cell in the Slab, the prison for super dangerous criminals, that mission seemed impossible. And she wouldn't see Batman. That man. That… reflection. Even though he had thwarted her for the past twelve years at every turn, he seemed to have an understanding of her that no one else seemed to grasp, not even Harley or the shrinks at Arkham. She had to get off this train of thought, though. She had to have more faith in herself to escape. The Slab was just a bigger Arkham. That meant she had to have proportionate escape plans.

The Joker was still blabbering on. As much as Ivy was annoyed, she just couldn't keep from listening.

"Twofers! Ivy thinks she's too cool for us! Acts like our friend all through high school then ditches us on the first day of college!" Joker shouted at Two-Face. Ivy had enough. Even though it wouldn't do much good, she still took the bait.

"MUST YOU DOOM THE DAMNED, JOKER?" Ivy shouted at him. "It's not bad enough we're being shipped off to the Slab, but you have to torture us on the way there too?"

"NOW she talks to us, Harv! Finally came to her senses and realized who her true friends are! Now maybe we can plan that threesome…"

"Shut up, clown, or I'll make sure you leave this plane with one extra hole in your head." Two-Face said.

"Is that Two-Face or Harvey Dent talking?" Joker asked.

"Unanimous." Two-Face replied.

Ivy couldn't help but smirk at Harvey's retort. She wasn't completely alone.


	3. Men of Two Worlds

_Harvey, look what you got yourself into this time. On a plane full of lunatics to Antarctica. If you would have just escaped Arkham a month ago like I planned on… oh wait, that damned coin, right? You should just give me the driver's seat, Harv. Let a real man take over. I wouldn't let some dime-a-dozen guard put me in chains like this. I wouldn't even be on this plane to begin with. In fact, I wouldn't even have been in Arkham. It's always you that screws up the plans. Always you._

_No, Two-Face. This isn't anything I haven't heard for the past decade. I've been seeing the new doctor at Arkham. I've been going through his procedures. And I'm working to get rid of you. You're in my control right now. Mine. And it's your fault we're going to the Slab, asshole. I didn't kill any of those people. You did. All you._

Right. Shouldn't you know by now? After those hundreds of strenuous hours of being locked in the rooms with those half-rate shrinks? I'm apart of you. In fact, in some ways, I am you. Except, you know, intelligent. Everything I am is part of your psyche, of who Harvey Dent essentially is.

_No. The doctor said that isn't true. He told me that you are a whole different entity entirely, one I control. And…_

_I'm no one's bitch, Harvey. And even as we speak, you can feel me creeping in, taking over both halves of your mind. And that doctor knows nothing. You know he's having a fling with a male intern. A married man with children having an affair with another man? A man of two identities, two worlds, helping you gain one coherent singular one. It doesn't work like that. Even Batman can't help you. You think he's Batman 24/7? No, he comes home in the morning, maybe to a wife and kids who don't know shit about his nightlife, and takes off that mask. Now, just let Big Bad Harv take over for a while, give you a rest._

These mental fights had been ensuing between Harvey Dent and Two-Face more rampantly for a while. Harvey had been trying new procedures that a new doctor, Dr. Edison, had introduced to the inmates with personality disorders. They had worked, mostly. There was always the occasional mental attack of dueling personalities, but Harvey had managed to keep Two-Face at bay up until today, ever since he was escorted from Arkham. The security blanket that Arkham provided had faded. Now Harvey was losing again.

Only three inmates from the hundreds in Arkham were being sent to the Slab. The Joker, Two-Face, and Poison Ivy. This decision, surprisingly, wasn't reached by the city, but by the government, or so the inmates were told. The doctors at Arkham didn't give much protest, though. Joker, Two-Face, and Ivy weren't that popular among them, often escaping the most. Only Jeremiah Arkham fought back. He had approached Congress to let him keep his patients.

"It isn't healthy for rehabilitation to be interrupted so abruptly." He had said.

"Now, Dr. Arkham, you have had twelve years to cure these three, and none of them have been any closer to being cured than the first days they were checked in. If this program proves a success, if the manufacturing of body bags in Gotham drops substantially, then more planes will be sent to pick up your other patients." One had said back condescendingly.

Now here they were. Harvey felt he had been on the road to rehabilitation, and the government had stopped it. There were no shrinks in the Slab. He was going to slip, and Two-Face was going to take over, smothering him. He was frightened. And he was losing grip.

_No._

_Yes._

_Shut up! Shut up! I'm begging you, Two-Face. Don't do this. Don't do this. Please._

_I already have. Nighty-night, Mister Apollo._

Two-Face was mostly in control now. He looked around at the other passengers and his surroundings. He hadn't been let out like this in a long while. Too long. Not that he was getting worried. Harvey was no threat. Two-Face just had to overcome Dr. Edison's new procedure. He hadn't been able to in the last month, though, having Edison being there every day, hammering all this garbage into Harvey's head. Telling him how to get rid of Two-Face. He wasn't going anywhere.

But even Two-Face wasn't thrilled with the idea of going to the Slab. He didn't like being immobile mentally, but physically was almost as bad. He wouldn't even be able to go the bathroom unescorted, much less escape. And even if he were to escape, there was hundreds of miles of snow and wilderness separating him and Gotham. Didn't much help that Joker would be there. Even on the flight to hell the chalk-faced psycho was prodding everyone with pitchforks, figuratively of course. Just then, he was annoying a beefy security guard, calling him a stewardess and demanding peanuts.

Two-Face had noticed Poison Ivy sitting two rows ahead of him. He had never really trusted the woman, ever since she kissed him ten years ago down in the Gotham sewers while the whole "Hang Man" killings were going on. He didn't know what the intention of the kiss was, whether to seduce him or to kill him. Though, Two-Face thought, who would ever want to seduce a man with a face like his? He knew that she was a viscous manipulator, but even he had to admit the kiss felt good, even if he did shove her off. It even made him feel somewhat good thinking about it, ten years later. It was probably her pheromones kicking in, messing with his mind. Or maybe it wasn't. He tried not to think about it, too conflicting. They had had limited interaction in the many years they were in Arkham together, never really talked, not that Two-Face wanted to talk to her or anything. The woman just wasn't trustworthy, and would kill him sooner than she would talk to him. Joker, on the other hand, he had seen and heard too much from in the past twelve years in Arkham. Joker snapping towels in the showers. Joker always controlling the TV in the recreational room, forcing everyone to watch _Three's Company_. Compared to Joker, Ivy, who mostly kept to herself, was a saint. Even then, Joker was trying to get Two-Face's attention.

"Twofers! Ivy thinks she's too cool for us! Acts like our friend all through high school then ditches us on the first day of college!"

"MUST YOU DOOM THE DAMNED, JOKER?" Ivy shouted at him. "It's not bad enough we're being shipped off to the Slab, but you have to torture us on the way there too?"

"NOW she talks to us, Harv! Finally came to her senses and realized who her true friends are! Now maybe we can plan that threesome…"

"Shut up, clown, or I'll make sure you leave this plane with one extra hole in your head." Two-Face said.

"Is that Two-Face or Harvey Dent talking?" Joker asked.

"Unanimous." Two-Face replied, smiling on the inside. Two-Face thought he even saw Ivy smile a little.


	4. The Hatch

Aching in her ribs, tearing her apart on the inside, emotions bubbling out and over her eyelids in the form of tears, she clenched her mattress. Her face was down in her pillow, muffling her sobbing. She had been like this for the past eight hours, ever since that morning. She hadn't eaten anything all day, but she didn't notice how hungry and weak she was. Even if she did, she wouldn't care.

Her life was over. For the first time that day, she raised her head from her pillow and looked up. By the look of the sunlight hitting the stone walls, it was anywhere from 4 to 5 o' clock. She readjusted her body, noticing how much her chest hurt from laying on it so much. But no matter how much she moved around, she couldn't get into a comfortable crying position. So she just decided to sit up and sob into her hands.

For such a tiny woman, her voice tore through the still air of the asylum, disturbing the already disturbed occupants of her cellblock. A guard passed her cell, looked in at the little blonde girl who looked like she desperately needed a good meal (or something from the asylum cafeteria) and a bath. The woman looked up, halted her sobbing, and shot a dirty scowl at the guard, doing her best impression of Batman.

"Pathetic." She heard the guard mutter as he walked off.

"IT'S TRUE!" She screamed, pulling on her pigtails, stretching her forehead out.

More tears streamed down her face, sobs getting louder.

"My Puddin' _and_ my gal pal! As good as dead!" Her yelling changed to whispers, "Both all alone in cells the size a' port-o-potties at the North Pole, or wherever." She sighed and used her sleeves to brush away snot and tears. She looked at herself in a cracked mirror hanging on the wall. Her cheeks were red, her eyes were puffy, and she had never looked worse.

"O boy. Look at me. I look like a corpse! If Mistah J. or Ivy were ta' see me like this, they'd laugh. Well, Mistah J. would laugh. Ivy would just sneer."

Like an arrow, an epiphany hit her.

"Hey! Yeah, that's right! If either of those two were here, they would nevah wanna be seen _with me_! I'm a pathetic wreck! I'm sure if _I_ was sent ta' go live with Santa, Mistah J. would come for me faster than a bullet at a Jehovah witness!"

Harley paused with reminiscing of a particular memory with Joker, one that _did_ involve a Jehovah witness. Her eyes started to tear up again, so she halted the memory in its tracks.

"I have ta' make em' proud! I'm gonna rescue them! Even if I have ta' put caps in hundreds of Santa's elves!" she shouted exuberantly, a different type of tear welling up in her eyes.

All the other inmates, on the other hand, didn't really mind the absence of Joker, Two-Face, and Poison Ivy. A few of them even seemed a little glad, especially the Ventriloquist for some reason. The Riddler seemed to be walking on clouds when he saw the three being carted off that morning. Harley figured he was happy about there being 'less competition'.

"When my honey bunny comes back, he'll put all these losers in their place!" Harley shouted with pride. "Now just ta' come up with a rescue plan that'll make Joker and Ivy proud. A fun one too! A _real_ fun one." Harley gave a dark look and laughed maniacally. Her laughing echoed throughout the halls until a gruff voice interrupted her.

"SHUT UP, I'M TRYIN' TO SLEEP!" roared Killer Croc from two cells down.

"Ah, shuddup yourself, you oversized handbag!"

"QUINN, I SWEAR I'LL COME IN THERE AN' RIP YA' THROAT OUT! NOW SHUT _THE HELL_ UP!"

Harley shrank down in her bed under her covers.

"Yessir." Harley whimpered.

Meanwhile, back on the plane, things were getting cold. Joker was breathing on his window trying to make it fog up, but to no avail. The windows were completely frosted over. Joker was starting to have to stretch his imagination for things to do. He had already made a whole spoof to the _Peanuts_ comic strip inside his head where Lucy and Linus ended up sleeping together and Snoopy got neutered. Was his cornucopia of ideas running dry?

"Good grief." Joker sighed as he put his hand to his forehead, the chain of his handcuffs rattling.

It had been hours since he had said anything to Ivy or Two-Face. Both were wet blankets, not good sports at all. Besides the grunts and snores from the slumbering Gorilla Grodd, the plane was silent. He had thought about causing another commotion, just to get that oaf of a guard back out. But Joker didn't want to be knocked unconscious, just in case something _more interesting_ happened. Though, _he_ was the most interesting thing on _this_ flight, no one putting forth any sort of entertainment. So what did he have to lose? He had had about enough of this perpetual silence, anyway.

"_You_ lot should be ashamed! Do you know where they're sending us? _DO YOU KNOW_? To a nearly inescapable iron box in the middle of Antarctica!(Though, _I_ shouldn't have any trouble with an escape). _Why_, before we even _get there_, are all of you _already_ ready to lay over and die? I'm bored, and I've had to provide all the entertainment for this flight! No showgirls, no wet T-shirt contest, not even a lousy in-flight movie! I would have even suffered through _Seabiscuit_! You people make me sick! You're more boring than church!" Joker finished making his speech, anticipating the inevitable feedback.

The other prisoners were getting angry, wanting him to be quiet. Gorilla Grodd had been stirred from his sleep and looked like he was about to murder the next person who came within reaching distance. The Asian woman was spouting a bunch of curses at Joker in Vietnamese, or Chinese, or Portuguese, or whatever. It must have been the increasing cold that was making everyone so irksome.

Ivy had the usual look of annoyance on her face. She seemed to always have that look when Joker was in her vicinity. Two-Face had his eyes closed like he was asleep but was sitting straight up in his seat.

Joker thought back to No Man's Land when just about all the Arkham inmates were gang lords of different parts of the city. Now _that_ had been fun to watch from the sidelines! That had been one of Joker's main forms of entertainment during the joyous time. Seeing Penguin's goons running from Two-Face's goons and taking cover in Robinson Park, only to be eaten alive by Ivy's hydrangea bushes. Really, Joker thought they were a bunch of second raters. Joker fully intended to get back to Gotham, and he figured Two-Face and Ivy wouldn't be able to manage the same feat. He thought about the sun loving Ivy stuck in a cold cell for the rest of her life and laughed.

"The Jolly Green Giant will become a shivering blue Smurf!" Joker cackled madly, everyone else baffled by this sudden outburst.

Ivy knew what this meant. During their last group therapy at Arkham, Joker had persistently referred to her as 'The Jolly Green Giant'.

"I don't like coloreds! What can I say?" he had told the doctor while pointing at Ivy and her pale green skin. Harley had suppressed a giggle when she saw the angry Ivy.

Flashing back to the present, Ivy realized that in Joker's inane ramblings, he had spoken the truth. She was terrified of the Slab. _No sunlight._ No botanical life of any kind. She was going to die, and no one would give a damn about it.

She had noticed, just as everyone else had, that the farther they went south, the colder it got. She couldn't help but shiver. The cotton garbs Arkham gave seemed tissue thin right now. She looked down at her hands and the pale green of her skin was starting to turn gray.

Earlier they had passed over South America. In the three hours it took, Ivy had to look away from the stretch of green on the continent. Since then, she was having a battle in her head, her anger and determination to escape the Slab dueling with her anxiety and self-doubt. Floods of thoughts were rushing through her brain as fast as wildfire through brush.

Gotham will decay to the ground without me! What will Harley do? She's so vulnerable, sometimes. Robinson Park. Oh God. It'll get polluted in no time, and there's nothing I can do. Batman, running around… with Catwoman. Me out of the picture.

The last thought surprised her. When she had first come to Gotham, she was barely twenty-three and in love with Batman. At least, she _thought_ it was love. She felt embarrassed, even a little angry, thinking back at how stupid and naïve she was. It was obvious that Batman hadn't loved her, yet she tried so many times, like Harley did with the Joker.

Nowadays, she never gave Batman a second thought in that regard. Until now. She gave up on her infatuation of Batman years and years ago, attributing it to nothing more than a stupid schoolgirl crush and instead focused on her mission. Botanical supremacy and cleansing of Gotham and all that.

Now that she wasn't in Gotham anymore, she felt strange. What if that crush she had left to die so long ago had grown behind her back? What if it had grown into some kind of… warped love? He had saved her life so many times over, saved her from Clayface, and… she shook her head, dismissing the notion from her mind. She was above that now. Her fear was getting the best of her. That's all. She didn't like Catwoman for many reasons, but jealousy _wasn't_ one of them. And she was going to beat this Slab business.

Sighing, she rested her cheek on her hand. She exhaled and she could see her breath in the form of white wisps of steam. She just watched as they swirled then vanished.

"I want to go home." she whispered absent-mindedly below her breath, like a tired child at an amusement park.

Two-Face was trying to sleep. Trying but failing. He held down shivers, never liking to present any kind of vulnerability to anyone. Vulnerabilities were for Harvey Dent, not Two-Face. He had to think of a way to get his minds off of the cold. He closed his eyes and listened to everything. He listened to the silent roaring of the turbines, the cracking of the frost on the windows, the mutterings of Deadshot and Dr. Alchemy behind him, and the somewhat heavy breathing of Ivy. He heard all this while trying to drone Joker out.

"Hey, Harv! Look!" He shouted, pointing out the frosted over window "There. Is. Something. On the wing!"

Two-Face was amazed that the little mess of a man hadn't gotten a guard's attention yet. In fact, he just realized that he hadn't seen _any_ guards in the past three hours.

"Good riddance." Two-Face growled.

But something wasn't right. The 'Fasten your safety belts' sign that was lit earlier was still glaring above. Something was up. Two-Face's hand twitched for his coin.

Bruce's eyes traveled over the information displayed before him on his oversized monitor. The lights of the images washed over the darkness of the cave, casting shadows of stalactites on distant cavern walls. He had had a particularly nice morning, though no one around him, namely Alfred, would be able to tell otherwise. Three of his deadliest adversaries were being sent to the Slab. The government had finally done something in his favor, whether they meant to or not. An image of the layout of the airplane came onto the screen.

"Planning a weekend getaway, Sir?"

"Just looking over some things." Bruce answered nonchalantly.

Alfred read a few schematics over Bruce's shoulder and understood already.

"It _is_ rather marvelous news."  
"Hmm?"

"Harvey Dent, Miss Isley, and that wretched lunatic, of course. Quieter nights ahead I trust?"

"I wish it were that simple. There will always be lunatics. They just got rid of three thorns when there's a whole briar patch to deal with."

"Always half empty, sir."

Bruce ignored the last comment and concentrated on the screen some more, pulling up a picture of a passenger list. Joker, Two-Face, and Poison Ivy weren't the only 'A-listers' onboard. The list also included Cheshire, Gorilla Grodd, Deadshot, Dr. Alchemy, Black Manta, Brother Blood, Weather Wizard, Cheetah, and Killer Frost.

"Ah. They won't be lonely then." Alfred appeared happier about this than Bruce did. Anything that would lessen his employer's nightly burden was good news. Though, Bruce didn't seem all that satisfied.

"May I inquire, Master Bruce, what is troubling you?"  
There was a brief pause before Bruce acknowledged what Alfred had asked.

"I know the government has some kind of ulterior motive, hidden away somewhere."

"Is it not possible that our government really _does_ care about the well-being of its people?"

Bruce just scowled. He hadn't had many good experiences with the government, the highlight of this bad parade being his trip to Washington when No Man's Land occurred. They were just going to let the city die, annexing it from the rest of the country. They didn't give a damn about the thousands trapped inside. The words inscribed on the tablet of the Statue of Liberty flashed through his head for a second.

He continued looking over signed documents that had allowed the movements of the criminals in the first place. There were signatures from everyone, including the unmistakable one from President Luthor. The decision was unanimous, it seemed. Bruce finally talked to Alfred.

"It _is_ hard to argue with the results, ulterior motive or not." Bruce said, resting his chin in his hand. "But I have to know."

"Of course, sir."

Bruce effortlessly hacked into the plane's communications system history, checking to see if any unusual messages were received. There weren't that many received messages, but a lot of sent. Just the usual, like coordinates. Then something caught his eye.

"Alfred."  
"Yes, Master Bruce?"

"Look here. The only message _to_ the pilots was received three and a half-hours ago."  
"What is the peculiarity in that, sir?"

"Look at what it says."  
Alfred squinted his old eyes, processing what the message was. It was a simple message. Not long at all. Just three words.

" 'Open the hatch'?" Alfred quizzically read out loud.

Bruce was already gone from in front of the computer console heading for the suit vault.

"Service! Service! Service!" Joker cried out. "Where _are _our stewardesses?"

"I'll tear the skin off your bones, Joker! I've had enough of you!" Gorilla Grodd had had the last straw when Joker had thrown a banana peel at him five minutes ago.

"And where is _your_ babysitter, Bobo?" Joker grinned evilly back at Grodd. "If the stewardess were here, she could change the monkey's diaper! Pammy, _you're_ motherly. Why don't you do something about it? I think I smell monkey poo."

"I'VE HAD IT! SEDATIVES OR NOT I'LL KILL YOU!" Gorilla Grodd snapped his restraints like spider webs. It was obvious he could have done that any time he wanted. The restraints were electric, it seemed, judging by the sparks flying everywhere singeing Grodd's fur.

Grodd stampeded down the aisle, hopping over rows of seats at a time. All the other villains tried their best to get out of his way. Joker looked utterly amused. He sighed with relief. The whole plane rocked with the weight.

"Finally, something!" He looked happier than ever when Grodd finally got to him.

Before Grodd picked Joker up, Joker wrapped the chains on his wrists around his forearms, grabbing them. Grodd grabbed Joker under the armpits like a mother picking up a baby. An abusive mother, that is. Grodd squeezed tighter. It looked like he was going to crush Joker's ribs. Then one large hand went around the skinny white neck. Joker didn't look scared at all. He would giggle if he could.

"Any last words before I wring your neck?" Gorilla Grodd breathed into his face, bad breath rolling over yellow teeth. He pulled Joker up some more, unknowingly pulling and snapping apart Joker's restraints. Sparks flew from the broken ends.

"Yes." Joker managed to squeeze out. "Why does your finger… smell like _your_ ass?"

With that, Grodd roared and was about to do something so many others had failed at. The other passengers were silently cheering.

Just as the large gorilla hand tightened, Joker took the two ends of his electrified restraints and touched them to Gorilla Grodd's large nipples. Grodd roared as an electric shock went through his large body. He let go of Joker, but Joker pressed the two ends harder into the monkey's flesh. Primal roaring turned to human-like screaming. The smell of singed fur assaulted the air. Finally, Gorilla Grodd fell onto the row of seats to his right, unconscious. Joker marveled at his handiwork and looked at the audience of twenty or so people. He took a bow.

"Whew!" Joker fanned his nose with his hand, sniffing at something. "It really _does_ smell like monkey poo! Pammy, change his diaper while I go find the stewardess. I've been hankerin' for some peanuts for hours! Anyone else want anything?"

He was met with silence and a little awe.

"Last chance! I'm not making any second trips!" And with that, Joker ran off down the other compartments to where they had seen the guards last.

Two-Face wasn't surprised at this development. Joker had been doing that kind of thing for years. He even had Superman wrapped around his bony finger at one time. The man was scary. What was even more scary was the thought of what Joker would do to the guards once he found them. Two-Face froze.

"Where the hell are the guards?" he said out loud, his raspy voice made raspier with the increasing cold.

"I do not know." Cheshire muttered, the first English word she had spoken that day. "Nor do I care. That maniac is the threat now. What will he do once he gets control of the plane?"

"Assuming he even knows how to fly one." Interjected the Weather Wizard.

"He does." Poison Ivy said without hesitation, a look of disgust on her face. "Harvey and I would know."

"Will you people shut up about Joker! Where are the guards?" Two-Face questioned again.

"Why the hell should you care?" Deadshot said, smoking a cigarette he had somehow smuggled onboard.

Two-Face just grumbled under his breath. Idiots, all these people were. The guards would have come right away if they had heard all the noise that damn monkey was making when he tried to kill the Joker. They would have heard the roaring, the screaming, and that mad cackling from the Joker himself.

Ivy knew that Joker would either get killed or kill all the guards, wherever they were. She would be an optimist if she wished for the former, but she had learned over the years there was less disappointment in pessimism. When Joker hadn't been carted back to his seat, sedated and quiet, she knew he had probably overtaken everyone. She was now awaiting for his voice to crackle over the intercom, telling them all to look out their windows at Free Wily, or some other insane thing like that. In Joker's chaos, predictability was found sometimes.

Two-Face closed his eyes and listened again. The hum of the turbines were still there. Mutterings had become full out talking. He couldn't hear anything.

"SHUT UP!"

The cabin went momentarily silent.

"I can't hear Joker!"

Ivy looked back at Two-Face over her shoulder, cynicism etched on her face.

"And _that's_ a problem, Harv?"

"Aghh! You people! Don't you _realize_?"

Two-Face was getting frustrated at all these lunatics.

_Getting, tired, Two-Face?_ Harvey Dent's voice whispered from the back of Two-Face's mind.

_Not now, Dent. Stay down when you're beaten._

Two-Face was starting to get nervous. Why didn't he hear anything from the upper cabins? He would have heard beatings, gunshots, anything. But there was silence.

_What in hell's name is going on here? _Two-Face thought, his eyes swiveling back and forth in his skull.

_Figure that out yourself, 'Big Bad Harv'._

Joker was puzzled. He had searched throughout the whole plane, in every cabin, and found no one. He thought he had heard a stir from the lavatories and was planning to kill someone while they were on the john (bathroom humor never got old), but those were empty as well.

He sat down in a chair and reclined, scratching his head, fingers snagging on tangles of green hair. After such a death-defying escape, this is how they repay him? He had kept silent for no reason? He got back up and paced up and down the aisle. He let out a breath and saw steam come out of his mouth.

"Bastards couldn't even give us complimentary blankets! Now they've flown the coup!"

He walked down the cabin heading for the front of the plane. The pilots would know what happened. He realized that his chains were still on his wrists, and he started to playfully swinging them around, hoping for someone's head to get in the way. Finally, he reached the door to the pilots, a little window at Joker's eye level.

"Hello! Disgruntled passenger here! Your plane food is horrendous and the plant lady's gone berserk! You'd better get back there and sedate her!"

Joker tried to open the door, but it was locked. He beat his chains against it, the metal clanging ringing out through the empty cabin. The pilots didn't look back. They weren't doing much of anything, actually. One was just sitting there, head tilted to one side. The other was hunched over on what appeared to be the activation button for the 'Please fasten your safety belts' signs.

"Ohhhh." Joker said with realization. The pilots were dead. Killed probably. And the guards had vanished.

"Uh oh. The others won't be too happy about this!" he said to himself, feigning a look of worry. But in truth he was thrilled.

He looked around and saw the fire extinguisher resting in its glass case. He swung his chain the glass and broke it. He then took the extinguisher and smashed down at the lock of the door to the cockpit. He kept on smashing until the door creaked open.

"Heh! Why would they put a skeleton key like this out in the open?"

He crept into the cockpit, afraid to wake the sleeping corpses of the pilots. The Joker shook his head looking at the half rate job the killer did on these two, noting the _multiple_ stab wounds to the backs.

"Why do all pilots have mustaches?" He mused, seeing that these two men indeed had mustaches.

Joker unbuckled the body of the copilot, put it over his shoulder and set it against the wall. Joker sat down in the newly vacated seat. He looked at all the controls and quickly forgot about the missing guards.

"So _this_ is what it must be like to drive the Batmobile!" he said as he smiled like a child with a new toy at Christmas.

A small computer screen displayed before him caught his eye. It had the option of unlocking the prisoner restraints sprawled across the screen. Joker didn't hesitate for even a second before selecting the 'yes' option.

"House party!" Joker gleefully sang out.

As if she willed for it to happen, her electrified restraints unsnapped around her wrists. Taking it around five seconds for it to register, she just stared absent-mindedly at her free hands.

"What is this?" she heard Cheshire demand.

"A lucky break. Take it for what it's worth." Deadshot responded.

Ivy stood up, her back sore for sitting for so long.

"First useful thing the Joker's done all day." She mumbled as she saw out of the corner of her eye Two-Face heading down the cabin where Joker had taken off.

Curious, she thought about following him to see what Joker did to all the guards. Probably the usual. The horrific smile on the faces of corpses. And besides, anyone could see this was their chance to avoid going to the Slab. The other convicts were walking around the plane cabin, as well, all sure that they had no guards to worry about thanks to the Joker. Cheshire, on the other hand, had taken after Two-Face down the other aisle to see what was going on. Suddenly, the plane lurched forward, creaking and twisting. She stumbled forward a bit while Weather Wizard in front of her fell headfirst into Gorilla Grodd's unconscious form. A grunt could be heard exuding from him. Yep. Joker had gotten hold of the plane's controls. Ivy was a little concerned, but she wouldn't let it show.

Taking her time she walked down the aisle to the next cabin, casually sidestepping Grodd and Wizard. Though, she kicked Wizard a little. Anyone with the power to control the weather like he did and used it only for thievery and messing with the Flash _deserved_ to go to the Slab. At least Ivy used _her_ gifts for good. Though, her kind of good always landed her in Arkham and always seemed evil to everyone else, most especially the family members of her victims.

Two-Face was almost certain he wouldn't find the bodies of dead guards. In fact, he _was_ certain. He had seen Cheshire run past him in the aisle parallel to his. A few moments later he had then heard Vietnamese cursing and mad cackling. He was a little disappointed the Joker was okay, though hopefully that would change once Cheshire was through with him. He quickened his pace, never breaking out into running. Something was going on.

He finally reached the cockpit and wasn't surprised to see Cheshire on the ground, a large welt on her forehead.

"Is she…?"

"Nah. Just conked her with my skeleton key!" Joker said, proudly displaying a fire extinguisher. "The dame's crazy! Tried to scratch me with her fingernails. The chick's poison I tell ya'."

"You didn't see any guards?"

"Nada, Twofers. It seems that they've flown the coup. Now, be a dear and pass some Chex mix and wine coolers around. We're gonna have ourselves a little going away party, since Arkham didn't have the courtesy to throw one for us!"

Two-Face was already gone, though, pushing pass an approaching Ivy. Ivy looked into the cockpit and saw the dead bodies of the pilots. She sighed.

"Joker! Did _you_ do this?" she yelled angrily.

Joker turned around and had a stern look on his face, like he had just been slapped.

"_Multiple_ stab wounds? Psh. You have the nerve to accuse me of amateurism?"

Ivy rolled her eyes. Joker just went back to piloting the plane. It didn't look like he was trying to crash it. It even seemed like he knew what he was doing. Against her better judgement, she left him alone and went after Two-Face.

Two-Face was running from cabin to cabin, looking for any trace of a guard. None.

_The great criminal mastermind Two-Face is worried?_

_No._

_I know you are. Like you said earlier, we're one and the same. I know what's going on in your head. You're scared._

_Shut up. Even if I was, I'm still twice the man you'll never be._

_Oh, hardy har har. By the way. Poison Ivy's following you._

Two-Face glanced back and saw the redhead slowly walking down the aisle toward him.

"What do you want, woman?"

"Careful, Dent."

"It's Two-Face, not Dent."

"Right. Anyway, what are you doing? It isn't like _you_ to panic."

His sincere instinct was to strangle her, but since he wasn't on his knees worshipping her that second with pheromones swimming in his system, she was content at the moment. He just vouched to tell her what he thought was going on.

"Notice how there weren't any guards? Not even any bodies?"

"There were the two in the cockpit."

"Joker didn't have any trouble getting into the cockpit. No guards to go through."

"So where are they, then?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

It dawned on her. Joker _hadn't _killed the pilots. He was telling the truth. Someone else had. The anxiety was bubbling up inside Ivy again. Wouldn't this endless day just end?

"It's not as if they could have just vanished." Ivy said with a forced calmness.

"No shit, Sherlock." Two-Face said as he walked away, noticing an angry Ivy stalking after him.

He thought through all the possibilities where the guards could be. It was possible they were just hiding. But for what reason? He had checked all the cabins, the cockpits, the kitchens, and…

"The cargo hold."

"What?"

Without repeating himself, Two-Face headed for the front of the plane again. When he got there he glanced into the cockpit and saw that Joker wasn't there anymore. He looked at the door to the cargo hold to the right of the cockpit. It was open. From down the hatch, he heard echoing. Grunts. Ivy finally caught up to him.

"That clown's gone." She shook her head and sighed. "I'm not even going to… Two-Face?" She looked at where Two-Face was standing and he was gone. She looked down and saw the open hatch to the cargo bay. There was a ladder leading down. Sighing, she went down as well.

When Two-Face got down, all he saw was a metal hallway six feet in length stretching before him. Joker was at the end of it, grunting trying to open a door. It didn't budge. Joker turned around, the florescent lights of the hallway making his complexion even whiter, casting a shadow over his eyes. The site was unsettling, especially since Joker wasn't smiling.

"Are you just going to stand there while _I _do all the grunt work?" he said as he wiped his white brow. Despite the cold, he was till sweating. "There're wine coolers in here!"

"Move aside, Joker." Two-Face grumbled. Joker grudgingly got out of the way.

Ivy walked up, observing Two-Face trying to wretch the door open, but with no success to speak of.

"Is that the cargo bay?"

"I guess so. _I_ thought it was the wine cellar!"

Two-Face still couldn't make the door budge.

"Here, let _me_ try." Ivy said, motioning slightly for Two-Face to move.

With one last try, Two-Face stepped aside, looking amused to see what the woman would do. She reached up into her mane of red hair and pulled something out. It looked like a sunflower seed, except… different. She shoved it into the lock of the door with her thumb. Two-Face and Joker knew what was coming next. They had seen her do this when she had broken out of Arkham in the past.

"One trick pony." Joker muttered under his breath.

Ivy looked at the little seed in the lock, concentrating. The cold had made her somewhat weak. A little more of a mental push and the seed burst into life. She gave a faint smile as small tendrils grew into thick inch vines. They rapidly tangled like grapevines. Little yellow flowers were blooming here and there. They were probably Ivy's little flourish to this particular 'parlor trick'.

Despite seeing this done before, it was still an impressive site to Two-Face. The vines wound around the crevices of the door. Metal creaking was heard as the vines tore the door from its hinges. It was completely detached now. But instead of it just falling loudly to the ground, it was sucked back. In fact, the air was sucking all three of them forward. Joker quickly grabbed onto the ladder back up to the plane cabin while Two-Face grabbed onto a lip in the wall. He felt a tug on his pant leg. He looked down and Ivy was grasping onto his ankle, a look of terror on her face. Despite all the sudden chaos, old habits were still hard to break. Two-Face slowly reached into his pocket and took out his coin that he had managed to smuggle on despite the frisking. He smiled at the feel of the cold metal in his hand. He flipped it into the air, but instead of landing back in his palm, it flew backwards.

"NO!" He shouted, looking back.

But it wasn't gone. It had instead landed squarely on Ivy's forehead, plastered there, good side up.

He couldn't help but crack a crooked smile. He reached down his hand for Ivy. She saw the outstretched hand and took it.

"Today's our lucky day!" he yelled over the roar of the air being sucked out.

"I find that hard to believe!" she yelled back. The air pressure finally leveled out.

They all stood up, Joker brushing himself off. Ivy handed the coin back to Two-Face, a bit put off that her life had just relied on the flip of a coin.

"Tarnations! Damn near killed us!"

The three of them looked into the cargo bay. The metal walls were completely frosted over. The huge cargo hatch was opened, nothing in there now but a few heavy crates.

"Oh God." Was all Ivy could manage to get out.

"Those stewardesses really _did_ fly the coup!"

"They must've parachuted out. Hours ago while we were over South America. They killed the pilots and left the plane running. We would just keep on going until we ran outta fuel." Two-Face was putting it all together now.

Joker just whistled and made his hand look like a crashing plane.

"I guess the question is now," Joker said, scratching his head, "is who would want _us_ dead?"


End file.
